Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Harvey Keitel: How Do I Love Thee?



Bad Lieutenant, starring Harvey Keitel, is the best movie I've never been able to watch from beginning to end. A reviewer on IMDB described it as "cringe-inducing."

Um, yea. Let's just say if I provided a laundry list of all the scenes that make most people wince it would be, well, "Très Brutal."

This gives me a great excuse to pay tribute to and totally rip-off the talented Devious Bloggery.

Allow me to illustrate using a verse inspired by Elizabeth Barrow Browning:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bad Lieutenant, how are you cringe-inducing? Let me count the ways...

Bad Lieutenant, how are you cringe-inducing? Let me count the ways.
I cringe to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when Jesus' spouse
Is chaste-jacked near the altar and
Suffers holy icon's phallic consummation,
Yet does not relinquish her ideal Grace.
I am induced to crawling skin
By the detective's malevolent, putrid needs
And hopelessly fidget as gentle nudge
Puts door ajar for peaked voyeur's eyebrow
To sup the broken lamb's naked smoothness and numb stare
In the sanitized glow of the examination lamp.
I recoil in fascination from the street side detention ploy
To debauch girlhood from erect distance,
Beating under the sulfur lamp's high refraction.
I frown at furtive liaison with bookie muscle
For double-down in the shadow of a daughter's communion.
I grimace while siren song cruiser barrels down borough's lanes,
Steered by the crushed and whimpering Strawberry lover,
Nose filled with the smell of cordite
From recent AM target practice.
Invariably, I feel an urge to put to use
My other station's offer, and with childish faith,
Stray for a moment, intending to return;
But time and perhaps subconscious intent,
Becomes the better
And soon the bond is broken.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Below is a version of the most famous scene from Bad Lieutenant, dubbed in French, which makes it much less cringe-inducing and somewhat amusing. It comes from the Daily Motion website posted with this french language title:

"Policier pervers prend son pied"


Babel Fish translation:


If the thought of seeing Harvey Keitel "take his foot" disturbs you, don't click on this video:



Update: In the comments, mark h suggests I may have found a niche. This caused me to consider perhaps a more profitable niche: The "HK" line of T-Shirts, with popular and obscure Keitel quotes. I bet this one would sell out immediately.

1 comment:

mark h said...

Harvey Keitel poetry - you might have discovered a niche!